I think about my dad a lot. I can’t believe it’s been almost 4-years since he passed away – 4 years – and there’s not really a day that goes by that I don’t think about him in some manner, shape, or form.
He wasn’t “taken” from me, although I do think he left us before his time. I know people who have had their loved ones taken from them, and I cannot imagine the pain of all that unfinished business.
He slowly grew older, and weaker, and time and his body just caught up. Most likely his most important lesson to me was his last. While we’re growing up, a parents’ role is to give you the tools you need to be an adult. Some of us do better imparting that knowledge, and those skills better than others, but by and large that’s a parent’s job. The very last thing he did was show me how to grow older and how to die.
Seems a morbid thing, but truly, that too is an important job of a parent. He faced his illness, made the decisions he felt he had to make regarding his treatment and he knew when enough was enough. When blood transfusions could not replace the blood cells his body was losing , and it was clear that treatment was really just prolonging the inevitable, he decided it was time to stop fighting. He had spent a lifetime arranging his affairs, and it was time.
He was a remarkable man and I hope that I have the strength and the force of character to face my own mortality as he did. He was a role model to me in so many ways and looking back, it really didn’t surprise me that he handled his situation as he did. He accepted his fate long before I did, and he showed me the way. It takes a very special person to do that, and I thank him for giving me that example.
I don’t get to his grave nearly enough, but I do speak to him every day even if it is just in passing. How many times could I have used his advice and guidance over the last 3+ years? Almost every day, but I have also applied lessons he gave me almost every day too. He gave me the tools, sometimes I have to reach back an apply them, but he gave them to me. Oftentimes, I would be much better off if I more actively practiced his lessons, but because of him there has never been a situation I have been unable to handle.
I love you, Dad, and yeah, I still miss you like crazy. I wish there was some way I could let you know somehow how truly special and important a person you were. I hope I can do so in giving your grandchildren the example you gave me.